Holli's memorial video

2nd year in heaven video

So I've been told

It's been a year now, it's over she's gone,
Why are you still crying, it's time to move on. 

She's in a better place, is happy and free.
You are still obsessing, why can't you see.

So I've been told.

You never thought about her this much 
when she was here,
And now when I see you, I only see tears.

She is not in the ground, she is high in the sky
why do you still go there, why, why, why

So I've been told....... 


How can I make them understand, 
how can I make them see,
how much I love her and 
how much she means to me.

I know it's been a year already,
 that it's over and she's gone,
My mind tells me that daily, 
but my heart tells me it's all wrong.

Tell me how to get over it and quit all the crying
When each day I wake up, 
all I can think about is her dying.

I know she's happy, safe and free,
I may be selfish,  I still want her here with me.

No, I didn't think about her this much 
when she was here,
I could see her and hug her and laughter is what caused my tears.

But her memory is all I have now 
to get me through the day.
the look of her face, the sound of her voice, 
what more can I say.

I know she is not in the ground, 
but that is all that I have,
I am close to her when I am there 
and I don't feel so sad.

She finds a way to give me a hug 
and a kiss in the wind,
I hear her talking to me, 
I just close my eyes and pretend.

This is my life now, how can I make you see,
You don't have to understand me,
just love me for me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
written in loving memory of Holli by
her mom



first day of kindergarten~~so sweet

When We Ask Why
by Perry Tanksley©W-216

God's beautiful plan
Is sometimes concealed,
But someday His purpose
Will be fully revealed.

Someday God's wisdom
Will make it very plain
Why problems were permitted
And how He uses pain.

Things thought illogical-
Disease, tragedy, fear-
Will someday make sense
When God makes all things clear.

We'll see the Lord's purpose
From Heaven's point of view,
And we will understand
In ways we never knew.

Till we are home with God
Some answers have to wait.
"Lord, we'll TRUST AND OBEY.
Lord, help us walk by faith."


Thank you my Good friend Stu
You are truly a gift from God.

RINGS IN HER HAIR
An Irish Prose written for Holli

I dreamt I was walking,
upon a green meadow,
the heather would gracefully,
bend without care.
Twas then that I saw her,
a lovely young maiden,
a lovely young maiden,
with rings in her hair.

She danced and she moved,
her grace unabated,
her smile and her beauty,
were without compare.
And as I approached her,
she asked me "come hither."
This lovely young maiden,
with rings in her hair.

Twas then that I noticed,
The maiden was Holli.
She looked in my eyes,
with a questioning stare.
The sun shone around her,
her movements so graceful,
as I caught a glimpse,
of the rings in her hair.

She sweetly said, "Sir ..
tisn't your time to be here ..
to walk these fair meadows ..
that Heaven does share."
And as she approached me,
her hand out to offer,
a token of caring,
a ring from her hair.

"Sir when you return ..
tell all those who love me ..
of this lovely meadow ..
I'll wait for them here."
A kiss on my cheek,
and a touch of her hand,
she turned and she left me,
with a ring from her hair.

I suddenly woke up,
alone in my bedroom,
but vivid were visions,
of sweet Holli so fair.
Was it just a dream,
or did I really visit,
and there in my hand .. was
a ring from her hair.
copyright 2006 stubearmusic 




  

You can shed tears that she is gone
or you can smile because she has lived

You can close your eyes 
and pray that she'll come back
or you can open your eyes 
and see all that she's left

Your heart can be empty 
because you can't see her
or you can be full of the loved you shared

You can turn your back on 
tomorrow and live yesterday
or you can be happy for 
tomorrow because of yesterday

You can remember her and 
only that she's gone
or you can cherish her
 memory and let it live on 
 
You can cry and close your mind
be empty and turn your back
or you can do what she'd want
smile, open your eyes, love and go on 
      
   

   






If we could have one lifetime wish,
One dream that would come true..
We would pray to God with all our hearts
for yesterday and you.




Holli's last birthday present 
was a bassett Hound named JoJo
who thinks my fish pond is his own 
personal bath tub
(in memory of JoJo)
(Oct 2005 -- April 2007)
now running through the heavens
with his Holli



 







Links

































Redheaded Angel

A redheaded angel looked down from the sky
Shaking her head and wondering why.
Don't cry dear loved ones she said with a sigh.
Heaven is beautiful and now I can fly.

I know you were sad when I had to depart
But don't let my passing darken your heart.
Our journey's not over, it's only a start.
We'll all meet in Heaven, never again to be apart,

Heaven is incredible, a wonderful sight.
Did you know there were colors besides black and white?

Days full of sunshine and stars shine at night.
Skies full of angels that have taken to flight.

Please live your life full of joy and not hate
And please keep bitterness from
 becoming your fate.
Take comfort in knowing that Holli will wait
Your redheaded angel will be there at the gate. 

written by Dianne




She died instantly in an automobile accident.
The driver was the man she was to marry.
He came away with an injured arm and then claimed she was driving.
His blood alcohol level was .19---twice the legal limit.





 

♥ It was just my time to go. 
I see you are still feeling sad, 
And the tears just seem to flow. 
We all come to earth for our lifetime,
 And for some it’s not many years 
I don’t want you to keep crying 
You are shedding so many tears.
I haven’t really left you 
Even though it may seem so. 
I have just gone to my heavenly home, 
And I’m closer to you than you know. 
Just believe that when you say my name 
I’m standing next to you, 
I know you long to see me, 
But there’s nothing I can do.
But I’ll still send you messages 
And hope you understand, 
That when your time comes to 
“cross over,” 
I’ll be there to take your hand. ♥ 













  

Ask my Mom how she is,
"I'm fine, I'm well, I'm coping."
For Gods sake Mom, just tell the truth
just say your heart is broken.
She'll love me all her life,
I loved her all of mine.
But if you ask her how is she
she'll lie and say she's fine.
I am here in Heaven.
I cannot hug from here.
If she lies to you don't listen,
Hug her and hold her near.
On the day we meet again,
we'll smile and I'll be bold.
I'll say, "You're lucky to get in here, Mom
with all the lies you told!"

      
     



My Broken Heart
It broke my heart to lose you,
But you did not go alone
Part of me went with you,
the day God called you home.
A million times I've thought of you
A million times I've cried
If my love could have saved you
You never would have died
Forgive me Lord, I'll always weep
For the daughter I loved
but could not keep


Gift from Megan Allens mom

The day my heart died

I was spending the night at my sisters in monroe when I got the call from my husband that the police was there and that our daughter Holli had been killed.

For the longest time I kept saying that phrase "Holli is dead" over and over in my mind, but it just doesn't seem real. How can it be. I had talked to her the day before. She just turned 21 in February. She was moving in to her first home and had a job she loved. She had her whole life ahead of her and now they are telling me she is gone.
I am so heartbroken that I cannot breathe. She was my best friend as well as my daughter. She took care of me as much as I took care of her. I do not know how I am going to face each day without her. I just want to see her and make sure she is ok, but I know that is not possible because she is not ok.

I see this stuff happen every day, but I never never thought it would happen to me.
They say it gets better with time, but I sure cannot see that now. She was my holli waddles, my goofball, My tormentor during the terrible two's. She was the light of my life and now she is my broken heart.

How do I get through this.......... How do I go on without her.
I have always been able to handle anything that has come my way, but this one I can't. This is more than I know what to do with.
She has only been gone a day. I had her for 21 years.
And that just was NOT enough. 

Please pray for our family, this is the hardest thing that we have ever had to live with and we need all the prayers you can give.



                                                                                                    

   
 






♥  God made them brother and sister, 
but love 
made them friends.♥
They were 13 months apart in age.
Holli would always come to me and plead
 Daniels case for whatever he wanted to do. 
She always talked about him
 and was always thinking of things she 
was going to gethim when
 he got his own place. 
I don't know if he knows how much she
 loved him but it was alot.  They had
 normal brother and sister fights but in the 
end they could always depend on each other. 
I have always been so proud 
of both of them.  



Went to court today
Current mood: anxious

We went to court today for Jeremy's probation hearing. First of all let me say for the record that we had every intention of standing behind him. I know he did not intentionally hurt holli and I could only imagine what he would be going through knowing he accidentally killed the one person who loved him unconditionally and completely.

We changed our point of view toward him when he started telling people that he was not driving. I know he is trying to stay out of jail, but come on. For once in your life stand up and be a man and admit you made a mistake. For God's sake don't pin it on someone who cannot defend herself. I was so angry when I found out that was what they were saying that I did call his family and tell them that if it was the last thing I do, I would see that he goes to prison. I will not let them put all this blame on Holli.

Anyway, we went to court to see if he was going to get bail or if he was going to have his probation revoked.

To say the least, his parents were very surprised to see us there. They undoubtedly do not know how determined we are to see this thing through. If he does go to prison, I will be at every parole hearing, at every trial. I will never let this rest. I feel like my baby was betrayed by the people that she thought loved her.

When we went into the court room, Jeremy had a big smile on his face but dropped it as soon as he saw us. I think we surprised him too. None of them would even look us in the eyes. They acted like we had done something wrong and that they were victims. All I could do was look at Jeremy in that box and wonder what made him so special that he survived and Holli didn't. I long to see my daughter so bad and all I can see is him. Nothing about this is right.

His parents brought three friends with them. We brought holli's graduation tassel and key. They talked and laughed and would look at their son like everything was going to be ok. They go on with their lives like nothing has happened. We try to just make it through each day without having a nervous breakdown.

I do feel bad for Jeremy. I liked him and when I look at him, I see what Holli loved about him. I know he had the potential to be a good person. He just has never had to take responsibility for anything that he has done and thinks everyone owes him.

Well they postponed the hearing until July 6th. They will try him for the probation violation and vehicular homicide then. He is looking at 20 years in prison. It is such a tragedy that both their lives are ruined because of driving drunk. I do not know why he was behind the wheel. But I do know he did not have to be going that fast. The black box from the car (all new cars now have them) said he was going 82 miles an hour. He never braked and his alcohol level was .19 and the legal limit is .08.

  
After court we went to look at
the car again and
make sure we got all of her stuff out. Her dad
found the receipt from where she bought him
lunch that saturday. We found the curtains that
she bought for her trailer and a pen with all of
our names on it. That was it. That was the last
of our daughters things. We are making a
scrapbook of all of her things from beginning to
end. We are starting with her birth certificate
and ending with her death certificate. I will put
that receipt in there. Finding that reciept
meant the world to her dad. This last month is
the first time I have ever seen him cry. He sets
outside at the dining table we got for her trailer
in the morning and talks to her. I hope she knew
how much she meant to us.
I really do.


The little mermaid was our favorite video




  


Don't tell me that you understand 
Don't tell me that you know.
Don't tell me that I will survive. 
How I will surely grow. 
Don't tell me this is just a test, 
That I am truly blessed. 
That I am chosen for this task, 
Apart from all the rest. 
Don't come at me with answers 
That can only come from me, 
Don't tell me how my grief will pass 
That I will soon be free. 
Don't stand in pious judgment 
Of the bounds  I must untie. 
Don't tell me how to suffer, 
And don't tell me how to cry. 
My life is filled with selfishness. 
My pain is all I see. 
But I need you, 
I need your love Unconditionally. 
Accept me in my ups and downs. 
I need someone to share, 
Just hold my hand and let me cry, 
And say, "My friend, I care."

    A FATHER'S GRIEF    

It must be very difficult
To be a man in grief
Since "Men don't cry" and "Men are strong"
No tears can bring relief

It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test
And field calls and visitors
So that she can get some rest

They always ask if she's alright
And what shes going through
But seldom take his hand and ask
"My friend, how are you?"

He hears her cry in the night
And thinks his heart will break
He dries her tears and comforts her
But "Stays strong" for her sake

It must be very difficult
To start each day anew
And try to be so very brave
Because he lost his baby too 





    

Went for counseling
Current mood: tired

We went for counseling tonight with
a very nice preacher.  
I think he did help Paul out with a lot of 
his questions
but I did not find what I was looking for. 
I don't think anyone will be 
able to help me deal with my loss except me. 
I can go along for a while and do good 
and then for some reason 
this overwhelming feeling of 
loss hits me and I can't breath and can't 
stop crying.  I just don't want to let go 
and accept that I will never see, hug or 
kiss her again. 
How do you accept something like that?  
My mind knows and believes that 
she is fine and in heaven and 
that there must be a reason 
for her to have had to go.  
But my heart is screaming
 for her to come back to me. 
She was so much a part of me 
and I don't know how to live without her. 
There is not one minute of the day that she 
doesn't cross my mind. 
I had so hoped that this preacher 
would be able to give me this 
magical answer to my pain that 
would make it go away but I know 
I have to do this myself.
 I have always thought I was a 
strong person but this has just 
crushed me and I am fighting to 
find my way back.  
Just don't know how.




This little Dove of Peace flies from site to site, 
please help it make a line around the globe by taking 
it to your memorial site, or give it to someone else for 
their site. Thank You

♥ A Child that loses a parent is an orphan,
A Man who loses his wife is a widower,
A Woman who loses her husband is a widow, 
There is no name for a parent that loses a child,
For there is no word to describe the pain. ♥



This was the last picture taken of Holli---
I found a disposable camera in the car and had it 
developed and this was on it.



We not only mourn for the loss of our daughter, 
but also for the children she will never have.  
She was looking forward to 
starting a family.  She used to joke that she would
 not have to buy anything because I already 
had it all and she would 
come over and clean house 
and joke that she was paying 
for her babysitting services in advance.
She already had names picked out. 
Whenever I buy something new 
for the kids that I keep, 
I think of her and have to fight the tears.  
Everything in my daily life reminds me of her. 
Everything. 







My dearest Holli,
By now you know that we had 
to put our girl Roxie
 to sleep. 
She had gotten so bad that 
she could no longer walk and 
we could not stand to see
 her suffer any longer.

I know you are rocking her and keeping her safe. 
Don't laugh about her haircut, Amanda and I did the 
best we could and she seemed to like it. 
I have gotten her a solar light 
just like yours and will put it where 
she is laid to rest.  I also got an angel and a 
heather plant for her.

We will miss her dearly 
but know that she is safe with you.  
Give her big kisses from 
us and we